Urotsukidoji V - Lite
by Mr. Backs
Summary: Kuroko from Urotsukidoji bumbles his way through other animes. Hijinks insue as the comical imp trys to have sex with every female character he comes across.
1. Tape 1: Death & Rebirth

Urotsukidoji V: Kuroko's Party Machine  
  
Tape 1: Death & Rebirth  
  
Scene: Amino-Jyako and two poorly drawn kurokos stand floating in the air above a newly born Osaka. Amino faces a kuroko.  
  
Amino: "Well, Shit, What the hells the Chojin Playing at here?  
  
(The Kurokos shrug. Suddenly Amino's sister Megumi appears in a flash of brilliance.)  
  
Megumi: (Chojin speaks through her.) "Amino, you win. I'm tired of this fuckin game. There's your old world. Now leave me alone I want to screw the brains out of your Sister in private."  
  
Amino: "Hey, Cool. Let's go find an arcade!"  
  
(The two kurokos shrug again. Suddenly a small green hand appears through a rip in reality. The hand opens the hole more and a bulbous green head appears.)  
  
Kuroko: "Oh, Hey boss!"  
  
Amino: (Jumps at Kuroko and gets him in a bear hug.) "KUROKO! I thought we lost you."  
  
Kuroko: (Rolls his eyes) "Yeah, I bet. I'm sure you mention me constantly through Urotsukidoji 3 and 4. Hey who are these two cheese-heads? Replacements? Could they be drawn worse?"  
  
Kuroko2: "We don't get many lines throughout Urot 4. I don't even know who we are!" (Kuroko gets a blank look on his face.)  
  
Kuroko: "Get to stepping hosers. I'm back so there's no need for poorly drawn comic relief!" (The two kurokos tear a hole in reality and hit heads as they both try to get in the same hole. Kuroko helps them both out by kicking them in the asses.)  
  
Amino: "So, Where the hell have you been? You missed a shitload of the series! You haven't met Buju, Ceaser, Himmei, or any of the others."  
  
Kuroko: "I'll rent the movie... Then again I'm not in it so why the fuck should I care!" (Kuroko and Amino fly down towards an Arcade. Suddenly a huge golden man with white feathered wings flies down to the ground. The ground suddenlly spits up a tremendous, skinny, blue, mech. The mech pulls out a vibrating knife and cuts the angels head off.) "Don't mind Rei, She's a cutie, but she's not all quite there... if you know what i mean. (Amino suddenly notices Kuroko has nine blue gems over his body.)  
  
Amino: "What are those Kuroko?"  
  
Kuroko: "Well boss a lot has changed sense you left. When I died I was attempting to escape through a hole in reality. I was shunted to an alternate reality. (Blue light shines behind kuroko, as he dramatically says.) I went from reality to reality putting right things that were wrong... or something."  
  
Amino: "That doesn't answer my question you shit monkey! What the hell are those?" (Amino points at gem in the shape of a nine.)  
  
Kuroko: "They're fucking Metams or something... they give me powers i already had. I got them the first time I changed dimensions." (Kuroko and Amino stop in a pizza parlor. A man wrapped in guaze comes out to take their order.) "Zolf? You Queer i thought you healed! This is my boss Amino-Jyako."  
  
Zolf: (groans) "I did, But the oven wouldn't work this morning. I cast 'Dragon Slave' on it. It blew up in my face."  
  
Kuroko: "Baka Zolf. Give us a pepperoni pizza while I fill my boss in on events."  
  
Amino: "Alright Kuroko, What is this place?"  
  
Kuroko: "This is Osaka numb-nuts. But the Chojin in a fit of lazyness decided not to make any new people. So instead he just reused other anime characters. Alot of them got pulled into this reality when I was pulled back. I'll relate a couple of my trips to you..."  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
Scene: Blueseed scenes randomly flash while Misato speaks.  
  
Misato: "Next episode Kuroko fights evil trees, and rescues a couple virgin sacrifices and kicks ass and takes names. We return in... 'Make Love, Not War, But Kill Those Evil Ass Trees First!' Plus more fan service from moi!"  
  
Kuroko: "Hey baby why don't you service me?"  
  
Misato: "Oh, Behave you baka hentai monkey!"  
  
(end tape 1)  



	2. Tape 2: Make Love, Not War, But Kill Tho...

Urotsukidoji 5: Kuroko's Dance Party  
  
Tape 2: Make Love, Not War, But Kill Those Ass-Munch Trees First  
  
scene: Kuroko and Amino are eating pizza served by Zolf, the mummy guy.  
  
Kuroko: "SO there I am. I'm tearing a hole in reality and Nagumo's blast blows the shit out of me knocking me into another universe. I come too and there's this guy in a red trench coat standing over me." (cuts to scene)  
  
scene: Kusanagi standing over Kuroko, who has stars and birdies flying around his head. Kusanagi Helps him up.  
  
Kusanagi: "Well, Well, Well, It looks like theres someone more powerful then me and that asshole with eight matamas. Hello there. Are you friend or foe?"  
  
Kuroko: (blank expression) "What the hell are you talki... BWAH! WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE THINGS ON MY BODY!?!?!"  
  
Kusanagi: "Those my friend are matamas! they give you powers like the aragami. You don't know why you have them?"  
  
Kuroko: (pulls at one and realizes it's afixed to his body tightly) "OW, I don't feel any more powerful? In fact I think my powers were pretty unlimited to begin with! I don't need this shit! How do I get rid of them?"  
  
Kusanagi: "You don't. (He Shrugs) Besides they look cool at least."  
  
Kuroko: "Hey, You're right. (He smiles) Coolio! By the way, I'm Kuroko, a servent to the jyujinki. How ya doin?"  
  
Kusanagi: "I'm Mamoru Kusanagi, a servent to the Princess Kushinada. I'm ok... just looking for some Aragami whose ass I can kick."  
  
Kuroko: "A Princess? Is she a hotty? What's an Aragami? Whose Kaede?"  
  
Kusanagi: (jaw drops) "I haven't told you about Kaede yet... She was the first princess Kushinada, but she's dead, kinda, I think. Aragami are evil plants. Momiji is a hotty. Follow me, I'll show you."  
  
(Kuroko and Kusanagi walk and Kusanagi Jumps to a tree branch and stares into a window. Kuroko floats up to the same spot.)  
  
Kuroko: "Hey! Gotta love the panties! Monkeys!" (Kusanagi laughs and falls out of the tree. Momiji twists in bed and wakes up. She looks out and sees Kuroko looking in. Kuroko gets an innocent smile looks the other way and whistles.)  
  
Momiji: (Opens the window and yells at Kuroko.) "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STARING IN ON ME WHILE I'M SLEEPING!"  
  
Kuroko: (With a blank look on his face he points down.) "He did it first!" (Momiji looks down and sees Kusanagi waving. A weak smile crosses her face.)  
  
Momiji: "Give me a second to get dressed. I'll be right back." (she closes the drapes. Kuroko slowly extnds his head through a wall and suddenly pulls his head back with a black eye.)  
  
Kuroko: (looks at kusinagi.) "She's got spunk." (Momiji walks out the front door wearing her standered red dress and jacket. Kuroko flies down and swoops between her legs and smiles as he looks up.) "Hey, Ducks!"  
  
Kusanagi: "Oh, Really?" (he lifts up her dress and sure enough ducks are staring back at him) "Hey Cool." (Momiji, who is as red as her dress, hits kusanagi over the head knocking him to the ground with a bump on his head and a tear in his eye. She then punts Kuroko into the nearest tree which then grabs him.)  
  
Kuroko: "Help, Help, I'm being repressed!" (The tree branches become tenticles and grab a near by girl.) "This must be my fault, all violence becomes sexual where ever I go."  
  
Kusanagi: (pulls himself from the floor.) "Damn Plants! Wow look at it go! I wonder if I should wait till it's done?" (Momiji introduces her fist to his head again.) "ok, ok." (Kusanagi sprouts blades from his forearms.) "Come get some!" (As the tree rapes the woman Kusanagi tears the tenticles apart. Kuroko moves around screaming.)  
  
Kuroko: (wrestling with branches.) "Kick Ass! KICK ASS! BEEFCAKE!" (Kuroko dissappears from the branches and appears next to Kusanagi yelling.) "KICK ASS!" (Kuroko pulls a whale from nowhere and drops it on the tree crushing it.) "Hey that was fun. Can we do that again."  
  
Kusanagi: (looking at whale on tree.) "Wow, your a cool guy. Did one of those matama's do that?"  
  
Kuroko: (Smiles) "Nope that was all Kuroko, baby! So, do these tree attack alot?" (The tree suddenly pushes the whale aside and sits upright.)  
  
Tree: "ouchie." (Tree sends tenticles towards Kuroko, Kuroko bites the tenticles and the tree whimpers. Kuroko sees the matama on the tree and tears it off. he then tries to afix it to his forehead. It falls off. Tree slumps over.)  
  
Kuroko: "dammit why didn't that work? It seemed like a good idea to me."  
  
Kusanagi: (shrugs) " I tired it too... it doesn't work. well i think we should leave here comes the calvery. We're off Momiji." (Just as they're about to leave mr. yagasheeda and the chief get out of a car.)  
  
Both: "Kuroko! (girls look at them funny.) We've never seen urotsukidoji, seriously, we just heard about it from friends. we don't watch that stuff."  
  
scene: sd blue seed ppl walking on rainbow yelling OMAKE (extra) Kuroko rips through animation his head and kusanagi's appear from rip.  
  
Kusanagi: (looking pissed) "WE'VE BEEN PRE-EMPTED FOR OMAKE THEATER! OH, THE HUMANITY!!!"  
  
Kuroko: (confused) "What's an omake theater? Does it involve samarii?"  
  
Kusanagi: "At the end of every blue seed tape there's a short called 'omake theator' which parodies the episodes on the tape."  
  
Kuroko: (raises an eyebrow) "Parody? well then how do we know that we weren't just in the omake theater? scary!"  
  
Kusanagi: "Wow! That is scary!" (Kuroko disappears in flash of blue.) "Hey, where did my buddy go?"  
  
scene: back to pizza place. amino is asleep and drooling on pizza. kuroko is standing on table and waving arms around.   
  
Kuroko: "Of course all the chicks were in love with me. my parting gift to momiji was a pair of Kuroko panties. I bet she never changes them."  
  
Amino: "Can we go to the arcade now?" (Two girls walk into the pizza place and grab kuroko. one has long brown hair and the other has short blue hair they argue and tug at kuroko.)  
  
Asuka: "He's mine rei! give him to me first child! i want him!"  
  
Rei: "You can't have him."  
  
Kuroko: "girls, girls, theres enough of me to go around (smiles. amino groans) now i'll go with rei to her test and then i'll go with asuka to her's and later i'll let you both ride with me in the berserk eva one!" (misato grabs kuroko from behind and hits both the girls on the head.)  
  
Misato: "enough of that studmuffin, you two girls get back to tokyo 6, (winks at kuroko) and i'll see you later." (she leaves)  
  
Kuroko: "See they all want me."  
  
Amino: (shudders) "Kuroko, good ol' buddy i don't know how you brought your dreams to life but share the wealth!"  
  
Kuroko: "You still want to go to the arcade or hear about my other adventures?"  
  
Amino: (eyes light up at the word "arcade") "I want to go to the arcade!"  
  
Kuroko: "too bad! sit down. I've got more to tell."  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
Scene: Scene's from eva pass by as misato speaks.  
  
Misato: "With everyone dead shinji and asuka try to repopulate the world. but they can only succeed with the help of a certain green imp. come back next episode for 'Nineth impact... or something" And more fan service! Kawaii!"   
  
Kuroko: "come back to bed honey!"  
  
Misato: "quit i'm giving fanservice!"  
  
Kuroko: "that's just pillow talk baby!"  
  
(end tape 2) be kind please rewind  



	3. Tape 3: Nineth Impact... or something

Urotsukidoji 5: Kuroko's Bandstand  
  
tape 3: Nineth Impact... or something  
  
Scene: Amino is asleep and drooling on pizza. Kuroko is jumping on table waving his hands around. Zolf is asleep behind the counter.  
  
Kuroko: "So, I'm in eva one and surrounded on all sides by these fake evas. They rush me, and I open a space-time hole and the evas all stab each other. They stuck each other with their own longinous lances! BWAHAHAHA! So i stand on these evas and let out a howl and the fuckin eva goes berserk and starts trying to eat the dead evas."  
  
Amino: (Still asleep and drooling) "You'd a never fit a eva through a space-time hole you shit monkey."  
  
Kuroko: "Hey, dammit I'm telling the story here. So I'm banging on the controls and yelling at the piece-of-shit machine. Suddenly Rei shows up In eva zero and eva one gets the urge to jump her bones. So, I'm sitting inside and I think to myself, 'Kuroko, the veiw from outside has to be alot better then the one here.' so I pop through reality pop into eva 0 grab Rei and pop out on a hill overlooking the ongoing events and rei looks at me and all she says is, 'Gross'. I look at her get a big-ass grin and say, 'This is the kinda shit they should show on PBS!'"  
  
Amino: "Kuroko, you are so full of shit."  
  
Kuroko: "Well, Yeah, but that happened foolio."  
  
Amino: "Kuroko, please explain to me why anyone would let you get into an eva!"  
  
Kuroko: "Ok, it goes a little something like this."  
  
Scene: Shinji wakes up in a pool of sweat. He screams. and Asuka throws a solid, blunt object at his head. his face goes blank.  
  
Shinji: "ow. Asuka you're so mean. I had this dream where Satan called the house and some kid who listened to rage against the machine showed up and he killed you and tried to have sex with me!"  
  
Asuka: "Baka, Shinji. What the hell is a 'Rage against machines'?"  
  
Shinji: "I don't know. I think I'm gonna be sick." (gets up and goes to the bathroom)  
  
Asuka: (mumbles)"that was my line bastard." (Shinji lays back down and passes out)  
  
scene: Kuroko jumping around and amino is sliding off the table towards the floor.  
  
Kuroko: "Ok, that has absolutly nothing to do with me controlling eva, but it was funny. I got to control eva because Gendo grounded shinji for trying to destroy tokyo 3!"  
  
Amino: (Sneezes) "buuuuuuuuullshiiiiiiiit!" (falls off table and wakes up.) "HUH?"  
  
Kuroko: "Ok, shinji ran away again so i got dubbed the 6th guy. Then some guy came along who was the 5th guy and last angel and I realized they'd fuckin let anyone into an eva. And then the fucker tried to get into me! Now, Me, I don't swing that way! so he tried to find Adam and I kicked his ass."  
  
Amino: "Homophobe."  
  
Kuroko: "Like you're any better! By the way where's your sister?"  
  
Amino: "Fuck you, and... um... Fuck you! Where the hell is the arcade?"  
  
Kuroko: "Don't look at me! it's wherever the chojin decided to put it."  
  
Amino: "Dammit." (gets up and goes out the door. sees misato and decides to make a move.) "Hey baby, how's it goin?"  
  
Misato: (laughs and grabs on to Kuroko and snuggles him) "I'm taken, silly."  
  
Amino: (shakes his head) "What the hell do you see in that little green imp?"  
  
Misato: "He knows things about the nineth impact and the coming of the chojin." (Kuroko smiles)  
  
Amino: (without moving his mouth asks kuroko) "how long before you tell her that shit already happened?"  
  
Kuroko: (without moving his mouth) "At least until I come up with something better." (Amino shakes his head and heads off in the general direction of a neon sign that says, 'Arcade')  
  
Scene: Four kids walking down the street. the hooded kid gets stepped on by an angel.  
  
Kyle: "They Killed Kenny!"  
  
Stan: "You Bastards!"  
  
Eric: "So fuckin what."  
  
Kyle, Stan: "fuckin cartman."  
  
Scene: Misato staring up at angel, Kuroko staring up misato's dress.  
  
Misato: "Kuroko, we need to get you into eva one."  
  
Kuroko: "I gotta get you into bed! let shinji go fight some freakin angel."  
  
Misato: "Silly, Shinji is trying to procreate with asuka."  
  
Kuroko: (falls over) "I don't want to hear about that! ok, ok. i'll go kick this angels ass." (dissapears and seconds later Eva one jetisons from the ground and stands behind the angel. The eva taps the angel on it's back and as it turns he socks it in the face. The angel falls back and grabs eva ones power cord and yanks on it as it goes. The cord dislocates and the angel falls down. The eva wrestles for the cord a screen pops up with the number 30 and starts going down. The eva frantically tries to plug in the cord but times out and falls on top of the angel. The angel pushes the eva aside and sprouts millions of tenticles. Kuroko looks out window.) "My god! does this never end? What do i have to do to get out of these pornos? wait a second... i want to stay in these... how do i make this happen more often then?" (Fight takes on a rampage video game feel. angel climbs on building breaking windows and putting it's tenticles in wet places. Eva 1 goes berserk and climbs building and starts eating walls. the two monsters jump from building to building, until Eva 1 jumps on angel and takes a bite out of wing.) "DAMN EVA. you just ate a big lunch! stop going berserk and eating things." (eva hits angel in the head and it drops, eva whimpers like an obidient dog.)  
  
scene: Kuroko wandering around in the geofront. He sees a small sized ninja wandering around. Kuroko flies over to him picks him up and yells.  
  
Kuroko: "NIN-NIN, What the hell you doin here you fuckin' voyear?"  
  
Nin-Nin: (shrugs) "I no know!" (Kuroko grabs him and flies at a wall.)  
  
Kuroko: "I got someone you have to meet. We have to swing by the arcade."  
  
scene: Kuroko pops up in front of the arcade with Nin-Nin. They wander in and see Amino playing dead or alive, his head is bouncing up and down.  
  
Kuroko: (tugs at amino's jacket) "Boss i got some one for you to meet."  
  
Amino: (still intranced by game) "Not now kuroko. introduce us later."  
  
Kuroko: (blank expresion) "Boss this is Nin-Nin, as far as sidekicks go, he's seen more action then wilt chamberlin... not to mention he's taped it all." (Nin-Nin brandishes a video camera with a big picture screen. Amino drops his quarters, and his jaw. Kuroko lets a grin show.)  
  
Amino: "You got anymore of this kid?"  
  
Nin-Nin: "yeah... a whole film room full of it." (Nin-Nin leads the way, Amino follows. Amino's guy in the video gets his ass kicked by some chick with big time bouncing breast. Kuroko wanders off.)  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
scenes from tenchi muyo pass by as misato speaks.  
  
Misato: "Kuroko shows up in the tenchi universe. all hell breaks loose and ryo-ohki goes insane and goes on a kill crazy rampage. Keep your eye out for the next episode 'No need for Kuroko' and more fanservice from yours truely!"  
  
Kuroko: "I'll show those chicks what a real man is like. There'll be no need for tenchi with me around!"  
  
(end tape 3) please drive through  



	4. Tape 4: No need for perverted little gre...

Urotsukidoji 5: Kuroko's Disco Inferno  
  
tape 4: No need for perverted little green flying dimensional imps.  
  
Scene: Kuroko is walking towards a door with two wooden boxes outside it he goes to open the door and one of the wooden boxes whirs up.  
  
Gaurdian A: "Kuroko, You are not allowed to enter that...." (as the guardian gets to begining of "that" the door is opened, by the time it finishes the word, gears clunk together inside the box.)  
  
Kuroko: "oops, my bad! next time I'll knock!" (A Look into room reveals tenchi masaki handcufed to the wall and fighting for his life. ayeka hits him with a whip and seems oblivious to Kuroko.)  
  
Ayeka: "Who's Your Mom?"  
  
Tenchi: "Well,technically your my great half-aunt. (snap of whip against skin) my mom is dead! remember, we saved her from kain just so she could die a slow miserable death, as opposed to the quick death kain would have brought. (snap. tenchi groans and mumbles) you're my mom miss ayeka."  
  
Ayeka: "Who is your lord and master? who do you obey?" (snap)  
  
Tenchi: "YOU, you mistress ayeka! KUROKO? is that you? SAVE ME!" (door closes) "Dammit!"(snap)  
  
scene: Kuroko looks at a limp box and then to the other box sitting there politly whistling. He shrugs and walks away talking to himself.  
  
Kuroko: "That would have been cool if not for my background with them. in fact, i would have downright enjoyed it otherwise. that insest shit is whack though! I remember when i first met them."  
  
Scene: ryo-ohki sitting in carrot field blue flash of light and kuroko falls down and hits his ass.  
  
Narrator: (kuroko) "I fell into this field with this rabbit/cat thing."  
  
Passerby: (in real world) "Oh, you mean a cabbit?"  
  
Narrator: "Shut the fuck up. a cabbit?"  
  
Scene: Kuroko is looking at cabbit and others start appearing and eating carrots. Suddenly a feeding frenzy starts. Kuroko, makes way out of the field and stand on the edge all tore up.  
  
Kuroko: "shit." (He see's a temple and walks towards it only to be suddenly molested by a blue haired flying woman. She grabs him and looks at him funny.)  
  
Ryoko: "Who the hell are you?"  
  
Kuroko: "I'm Kuroko, and you're a hotty!" (ryoko smiles) "umm... where the hell am i?"  
  
Ryoko: "You're at the masaki shrine, a safe haven for things not of this earth."  
  
Kuroko: "Well, I'm at the right place then. I ain't from here. What all goes on here?"  
  
Ryoko: "well we got, me, ayeka, mihoshi, sasami, washu, kytsune, granpa yosho, and father nobuyuki, and of course tenchi. and we fight aliens and fight over tenchi, and bring more people to the house. that's about what every episode has comprised of."  
  
Kuroko: "well were off to a start, because we got me. now we gotta figure out where to go from here. how 'bout some sex?"  
  
Ryoko: "What? I'd go for that, but i've promised myself to tenchi? but why do you bring it up?"  
  
Kuroko: "Any series that i show up in has to have sex in it. and well your a cutie so i thought we should start. your lose i guess. so where is everyone?"  
  
Ryoko: "Washu is unveiling a new invention. they're looking at it. lets go see it." (she grabs kuroko's arm and drags him along.)  
  
scene: all the girls and tenchi, nobuyuki, and yosho are around washu who is pulling the sheets off a toilet. they all look at it and their jaws drop.  
  
Tenchi: "washu it's a toilet!"  
  
washu: "yes, but it's an evil toilet."  
  
everyone: "wow!" (toilet bounces around and dissappears.)  
  
mioshi: "where'd the shiny toilet go?"  
  
washu: "oh... shit. it's gone."  
  
sassami: "it's a toilet. what could it do?"  
  
washu: "it's an evil toilet! lord knows we're in trouble now!."  
  
scene: cabbits stop eating carrots and look at the toilet sitting in front of them. all the cabbits "meow" and nod their heads. randomly they jump into the air and change to spaceships. suddenly the sky is filled with spaceships. the space ships charge earth and start destroying cities.  
  
scene: all the girls and the masaki guys are running around the city like they're insane. they run from building to building as they are crushed behind them. tenchi stops and yells at the space ship in the sky.  
  
tenchi: "ryo-ohki? is that you? we got some nice carrots for you. if you change into a nice little cabbit we'll give you some nice plump juicy carrots! please?" ( a laser beam strikes a foot from tenchi and he jumps into sassami's hands and cries.)  
  
Ryoko: "You know this happened once before. there was a small planet that was assaulted like this. it was a good couple centuries ago. but i remember."  
  
Ayeka: "Well? what did they do? how did they win?"  
  
Ryoko: "If i remember correctly they parished and the lose of the plant threw the whole solar system out of whack and all the planets crashed into the sun."  
  
Ayeka: (groan)  
  
scene: in an alley Kuroko is suddenly overcome by his bodily need to eject the double quarter pounder he ate yesterday. he runs around the alley looking for somewhere to go. suddenly... a black board pops up with "seele 69 sound only" written in red chauk on it.  
  
Seele69: "Is this my scene?"  
  
Kuroko: "Oh... You idiot! you were supposed to show up last episode! Where the hell were you?"  
  
Seele69: "Um... i was... um... i don't remember. what should i do now?"  
  
Kuroko: "get out of here. we may need you in a couple episodes though. so don't go to far."  
  
Seele69: "Ok." (pops back down. a toilet sits behind where he popped down. Kuroko sees a toilet and jumps at it. it tries to hop away but it's to slow. he grabs it and sits on it. He smiles and jumps off the toilet wipping his ass with a newspaper as he jumps off. He hits the metal bar on the toilet and the toilet stops moving.)  
  
Kuroko: "it's broke? nasty! i wonder if washu can fix it." (cabbits fall from the sky landing on various parts of the world and eat carrots.)  
  
Tenchi: "I did it! I did it!" (all the girls come up and kiss tenchi all over. and he grins and blushes. Kuroko comes out of the alley and whispers to washu.)  
  
Washu: "A working toilet in the alley that is not working anymore? are you sure? lets go see this." (they wander back and see the toilet sitting there gleeming.) "Kuroko did it! He shut down the toilet! he won the day. all the girls kiss all over kuroko and tenchi turns red with anger.)  
  
Kuroko: "What can i say? That's some industrial strength shit!"  
  
Wahsu: "no... you hit the reboot button."  
  
Kuroko: "Oh.. ok." (washes hands by opening a portal above and under his hand which water flows through.) "So what did i win?" (grins)  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
Scene: Kuroko watching tv. he just sits there finally he speaks up.  
  
Kuroko: "Leave me alone. go bother misato. i think she's in the shower."  
  
Scene: Gratuotus Misato shower scene! Enjoy. ^_^  
  
(end tape 4) Game Over 50 cents to continue  



	5. Tape 5: The end.. except not.

Urotsukidoji 5-light: Kuroko's soul train  
Tape End: Of Mice and Monkeys  
  
Scene: Kuroko tries to talk to a random bystander who is obviously ignoring him.  
  
Kuroko: "So I got her tied up, right... and i got the springs oiled, right... and I go to...."  
  
Bystander: "Who are you? what do you want? do you need money?"  
  
Kuroko: "Funny.. anyways.. i'm standing over here and she's doin this.." (starts to gesture)  
  
Bystander: (looking distraught) "... why god... WHAT DO YOU WANT! I don't know you. why won't you leave me alone? don't you have something better to do?"  
  
Kuroko: ".. so i take my hand like this.. (balls up fist) ... and BWAH! (hits at air) and the bitch bites it off..."  
  
Bystander: "Look it's godzilla!"  
  
Kuroko: "I already seen him... so anyways.. i find nagumo and akemis.. you know..."  
  
Bystander: "It's an angel run!!!"  
  
Kuroko: "Rei or Asuka will take care of it... so akemis doin this... and i kick nagumo in his fool head.. like BWAH! (kicks air)...  
  
Bystander: "No It's The 17th angel!"  
  
Kuroko: "So I go to amino and he's ignorin me so i go BWAH! and bite his ass! (bites at air).... wait... what'd you say?" (looks around really quick and flies down as fast as he can splattering himself on the ground) "... ow..." (looks around and the bystanders gone and there's no angel)"dammit!"(Amino walks up.)  
  
Amino: "Hey cheesehead!" (he sticks his hand out and Kuroko looks at it and pulls himself off the pavement) "What the hell did you do?" (kuroko picks himself up)  
  
Kuroko: "Some guy said that the most evil of all angels.. no the most evil being period... no the most evil entity in all that is known... was coming here."  
  
Amino: (looks confused) "Huh? Whasat?"  
  
Kuroko: (shudders then utters the name of evil) "K-A-W-O-R-U"  
  
Amino: (Eyes open wide. He looks for a second then hit's Kuroko on the head. kuroko is propelled by the force hitting the floor again) "You stupid homophobe!"  
  
Kuroko: "It's not just that, Man!"  
  
Amino: "Yes it is!"  
  
Kuroko: "Well it's mainly that." (suddenly a skiny grey haired boy walks past kuroko and kuroko spazzes out. spinning in a circle in the air) "BWAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
Amino: "BWAH!" (falls to the ground laughing at the stupid imp)  
  
Kuroko: (composes himself) "Did i tell you about the time when he tried to.. you know... I was with rei and.. you know.. and when i left he was waiting outside and he was like.. you know" (The floating kuroko is suddenly hit by a frying pan which propels him into a wall. he splats on the wall and slowly slides down it)  
  
Momiji: (grabs the pan and it disappears) "There you are!!!"  
  
Kuroko: (tries to compose himself) "Yes, I'm here."  
  
Momiji: "I ought to kick your ass! Have you been flirting with misato again???"  
  
Kuroko: (looks astounded) "Me? No!" (Gets hit with two trout and a large-mouthed bass)"...ow... maybe..."  
  
Momiji: "Where you carousing around telling nasty stroies again?"  
  
Kuroko: (looks astounded) "ME! no." (Gets hit with a kitchen sink and a microwave) "...OW!... ok,ok, yes i was!"  
  
Momiji: "Where you trying to convince people that every single woman is in love with you?"  
  
Kuroko: (tries to look astonished but looks dead) "Um... um.. (tenitavly) yes..." (Gets hit with a stick... alot) "ow,ow,ow,ow,ow"  
  
Momiji: (a tear rolls down her cheek) "Why can't you tell a nice love story... they're so much nicer!"  
  
Kuroko: (wraps his arms around momijis leg) "ok.. ok.. i will.. i'm sorry.. i'll tell a nice story.." (Momiji smiles and pats kuroko on the head. Kuroko smiles and walks away with kuroko still attached to her leg grinning)  
  
Amino: (dumbfounded) "What the hell just happened? Strange!"  
  
The End  
  
scene: momiji walkin into the sunset with kuroko flying behind her  
  
Momiji: "You'll never guess who i saw today!"  
  
Kuroko: "I give up. who?"  
  
Momiji: "That cute boy Kaworu."  
  
Kuroko: (face goes blank) "can i never escape him?..."  
  
Momiji: "He's a stud"  
  
Kuroko: (stops flying and turns upside down) "no.. no.. no.. no.. that's just wrong"  
  
Momiji: (grinning ear to ear) "He is! I think he's studly"  
  
Kuroko: (slowly floating down. gets angry) "NO!!!! he is not.... i don't know how you can contort this to the conterary.. its just WRONG....." (she starts laughing hard. kuroko gets the straightest face possible for a little perverted green imp.)  
  
Momiji: (giggling. Kuroko frowns but seems to be trying to hold in something.) Kaworu. (her eyes turn big and drool starts pouring from her mouth.).... (she smiles knowing she has kuroko where she wants him, and he is oblivious. kuroko falls to the floor making a racket that could be mistaken for laughing or crying. He rolls over facing up and his eye is twitching and a vain is poping out of his forehead. Momiji is all out laughing now. she picks him up and snuggles him. Kuroko continues to twitch. a tear rolls down momiji's cheek)  
  
Kuroko: (starts bawling like a baby) "I should be the one crying!" (momiji sniffles. he continues to bawl but starts clutching at momiji trying to console her. she snuggles him more and he starts blubbering.) "ba abba babb abb mmmmm" (Kuroko holds her tighter. she kisses his forehead.)  
  
Momiji: "shh.. be quiet or i'll call for him." (she giggles and Kuroko is oblivious to it. he rubs his cheek against hers.)  
  
Kuroko: (sniffles) "I'm sawwy.."  
  
Momiji: (snuggles kuroko some more) "aww... you poor thing. I'm sowwy" (kuroko rubs his cheek on hers more his face goes blank) "you ok? you need a glass of water?" (she hands him a glass of water from nowhere and he takes it. He slowly lifts the water to his lips while both his hands are shaking in cold sweat.)  
  
Kuroko: (tries to wink but gets confused and blinks twice) "sure... no problem." (momiji frowns and kisses him. Kuroko wipes sweat from his brow with his forearm and tries to smile while hugging momiji. she starts to cry again. and then he starts to cry again and blubber.) "baba ba... ma.. babab"  
  
Momiji: (sticks a lolli pop in kurokos mouth and smiles.) "think happy thoughts... 13th angel... 8th angel..."  
  
Kuroko: (Smiles ear to ear with a lolli in his mouth.) "13th angel....black eva 03.." (He snuggles with her)  
  
Momiji: (pets Kuroko's head) "think happy thoughts, evil angel-Eva 03.............. (she continues while kuroko is off in space) don't think about Kaworu, that cutie-pie!!!  
  
Kuroko: (In his own world) "evil eva... with touji inside..."(He starts to kiss momiji all over. she smiles and kisses him back. He continues to kiss all over momiji while muttering) "go boom. destroy nerv second testing instalation and kick asuka in her head." (momiji smiles and nods.)  
  
Momiji: "Happy thoughts!" (Kuroko continues to kiss her all over)  
  
Kuroko: (smiling and smooching) "berserk eva 01 rip out your entry plug and crush it. black eva unit 03....."(Momiji smiles and lets kuroko continue to kiss her.) 


	6. Tape 6: BAMF! We need to get to another ...

Urotsukidoji 5-light: Kuroko's def jam  
Tape 6: BAMF: Kuroko, the wacked out imp  
  
Scene: Micheal is sitting on the street corner and he starts singing.  
  
Micheal: "... this isn't meant to last. this is for right now. i know it's all getting away it comes to me as no surprise. i know whats coming to me is never going to arrive. fresh blood through tired skin. new sweat to drown me in dress up this rotten carcass just to make it look alive..." (suddenly in a blur of green trent is knocked down and beaten, triumphantly kuroko stands on his chest looking down at him.)  
  
Kuroko: "'I beat my machine it's part of me it's inside of me. I'm stuck in this dream it's changing me i am becoming. the me that you know had some second thoughts he's covered in scabs he is broken and sore. the me that you know doesn't come around much. that part of me isn't here anymore.' I'm done trent. i don't need you anymore. get out of my fucking story!" (trent stands up bleeding and shrugs and walks off. Kuroko turns red and storms into zolf's. he looks at zolf and zolf nods and hands him a piece of pizza and a soda. Kuroko sits down fuming. Amino wanders in playing on a gameboy.)  
  
Amino: "gotta catch them all gotta catch them all gotta catch them all." (amino has a seizure and falls down. Kuroko floats above him looking down. amino opens an eye quick checks his pokemon and looks back at kuroko.) "so wheres your woman?"  
  
Kuroko: "Oh that tired old hag, i showed her the door. i said 'bitch, wheres my money at?' she didn't have it so i gave her the boot!"  
  
Amino: "Oh, she was seeing someone else and your whole relationship was a fraud and nothing said of any importance was real."  
  
Kuroko: (tear in eye nods) "yeah... but they're are hotter chicks in the sea. with bigger tits and nice asses and next to no intelligence. that i can get to follow my every sick twisted whim! i will conquer any inhabitions and rule supreme!"  
  
Amino: (cocks an eybrow at kuroko then slaps him) "you're so in denile. what's wrong with you."  
  
Kuroko: (shrugs) "shut up. if i needed this shit i wouldn't be here. (finishes pizza and begins to drink soda. suddenly three people burst into zolf's. zolf jumps up and screams. he dives for the kitchen but not before being hit in the ass with a flare arrow.)  
  
Amino: (begins laughing histarically at zolf) "They shot him in the ass! BWAH!!!" (more of amino's annoying histerical laughter, suddenly someone elses annoying laugh joins him and it begins to grate kuroko's ears. and they start to bleed. he looks for the source and is astounded to see a big busted woman wearing a next to nothing leather bikini, a cape, and some big spiked shoulder pads.)  
  
Kuroko: "Holy crap. thank you god!" (he smiles and begins to walk towards her before losing his balance and falling over he looks up at her and she continues laughing while her tits bounce. kuroko becomes hypnitized looking up amino had already fallen prey to the large breast and stopped laughing. a smaller woman with less breast and less ass walks around the goddess and looks at the two fallen men.)  
  
Lina: (waves a hand in front of kuroko's eyes. they dont move) "naga! what'd you do?" (naga shrugs and her tits bounce again along with the amino's and kurokos heads.) "They're hypnitised! check them for money!" (from around lina comes a blonde dense looking big guy. he sits where kuroko sat, before he fell over, and begins to eat the pizza left on the pie plate. lina looks at him and can't find any pockets on kuroko. naga reaches into amino's pockets.)  
  
Naga: "i found a roll of quarters. he must like the arcade! (she pulls the roll it doesn't move.) "how odd they're stuck!"  
  
Lina: (yelling) "Naga get your hand out of there!!!! (suddenly amino spazams to life yells and passes back out.)  
  
Naga: (confused look on face) "The quarters have become a small stack of dimes?"  
  
Lina: (moans and looks to where kuroko was and sees he's gone) "where the hell is the green guy?" (looks around again and sees kuroko sitting next to gourry eating and smiling coyly at naga. he waves and naga looks extremely puzzled. lina hits her head.)  
  
Gourry: "is someone gonna tell him why we're here?" (kuroko winks at naga. she suddenly becomes uncomfortable. and feels like he's undressing her with his eyes. which he is. and it's coming suprisingly easy to unimagine two small pieces of cloth.)  
  
Lina: (smiles evilly looking at the imp.) "i think naga should tell him." (naga cringes and bends over to whisper in his ear and he stares at her cleavage while she talks. she steps back away from him and looks at lina.)  
  
Kuroko: (with an empty smile) "I'm sorry miss i didn't hear a word you said." (naga turns red and marches out the door.)  
  
Lina: (looks at naga go, shrugs) "nevermind, come gourry." (she turns to go and gourry continues eating and playing on amino's gameboy.)  
  
gourry: "i think i'll stay.. see you later." (lina and naga both look back at gourry)  
  
Kuroko: "hey don't go anywhere. wanna have dinner go to the movies make out in the back of a car? naga? lina? both of you?" (both the girls turn and begin running. kuroko turns to gourry) "They're both lesbians aren't they?"  
  
Gourry: "I think so."  
  
Kuroko: (frowns then smiles and nudges gourry with an elbow) "ever watch them... ya know...?"  
  
Gourry: "I think they're both frigid lesbians."  
  
Kuroko: (frowns) "oh..... so what did they want?"  
  
Gourry: "Well lina needs to travel between demensions to a dimension with higher gravity so that the gravity will pull all her weight to her tit's and ass. they were looking for a little green dimensional travaling imp. you know him?"  
  
Kuroko: (upset) " I am he. I will save lina from her childish tits and ass!" (steps through a dimensional hole)  
  
Amino: (awakes, lights a cigerette and looks at gourry playing his game boy) "hey, careful with my blastoise."  
  
Scene: Naga and Lina walking with purpose and rather upset. naga's ass bounces delightfully. A portal behind her opens and kuroko sticks his head out millimeters from her ass. he smiles and begins walking behind her staring directly at her ass.  
  
Lina: "well i think there might be another way to go through dimensions besides sexually gratifying an odd little ebon demon."  
  
Naga: "he was kinda cute in an evil voyeristic way. what else do you think we can do to get between dimensions?"  
  
Kuroko: (Steps in): "I apoligize my sweet but the only way to get between dimensions is to get between my sheets! it's not that bad when you consider how miko mido has to do it.. and she can only go to the demonic dimmension."  
  
Lina: (Astounded) "Holy Shit! where'd you come from? BURST RONDO!" (an explosion where kuroko should be. Pan around women reveal kuroko standing to the other side of the women.)  
  
Kuroko: "lina, dear, your petty tricks won't work on me. my dear all i require for my gift to you is a night with the company of you and the lady naga!"  
  
Lina: (fuming) "out of the question! no way can not be done.. you'll have to lower the price. i'm saving myself for a king, or a prince, or some sort of royalty!"  
  
Kuroko: (upset but not phased) "have it your way, I will only require the companionship of naga the serpent in that case."  
  
Lina: "DEAL!"  
  
Naga: "WHA?" (a portal opens and suddenly naga is enveloped by a green hurricane. a shrill shreik fades into a low moan. Lina steps through the portal. suddenly she leaps back out and begins running closely followed by every villian and monster she has ever killed she runs through the street followed by a wave of dead villians)  
  
Lina: "Run for your lives! he's freed them from hell! and they want revenge!" (two fish men tackle lina and begin to molest her with fishy kisses whilst a green tornado flows into an alley sudenly the tornado whirs out as naga leans against the wall having lost most of the strength in her body, her bikini is baerly able to cling to her silky white skin while kuroko licks her belly and she tries to refrain from passing out.)  
  
Kuroko: "Hey, I think this means i win. cool beans!"  
  
To Be Continued  
  
Scene: An orange car speeds down a dirt road suddenly sliding to a stop and a small green figure and a small white figure bound out of the orange speedster a golden gleam shines from the white figures forehead.  
  
Kuroko: "Introducing Wozar! And i don't get any action this episdoe... but wozar does!" (wink) "and absolutly nothing really happens!"  
  
Misato: "Kuroko dear, your supposed to make them want to watch the next episode! your fanservice needs some work honey!"  
  
Kuroko: "It's Urotsukidoji V-Lite Numero 7 it speaks for itself.. they'll want to watch it just for that they don't care what really happens." (wink) " But i get to ravege you now! ROOOAR" (kuroko tackles misato)  
  
End Tape 6  
INTERMISSION 


	7. Tape 7: The Meowth who loves himself.

Kuroko's Starsearch  
Urotsukidoji V-lite 7  
  
scene: Kuroko sits at a booth in the pizza parlor he eats a slice.  
suddenly he begins crying as he cries a white cat standing tall walks in.  
the cat walks over to kuroko looks at him and a golden plate on the cats  
head catches kuroko in the eye.  
  
kuroko: "what the hell do you want mr. walking cat.. acting like  
i've never seen a walking cat before. shit i see them all the time!  
not a day goes by that i don't have a conversation with a white walking  
cat with a golden forehead." (the cat looks confused)  
  
Wozar: "meeeeoooowth, i'm wozar, could i bum a slice of pizza from you?  
i can't seem to find anyone behind the counter and i'm faaamished.. of  
course i'd like to have a little pikachu pizza but what ever you have  
will suffice. meeee"  
  
Kuroko: (offers the seat opposite him and a plate with a slice on it.  
the meowth accepts it.) "so what the hell kinda animal are you?  
I kinda lied before i ain't never seen a walking talking cat before."  
  
Wozar: (proudly) "i'm a pokemon, i come from a world where animals have  
special powers and attack each other! so in this world i'd be considered  
A SUPERHERO!" (poses while light swirls around him and he waves his fork  
like a wand)  
  
Kuroko: "So what's your special power, wozar?"  
  
Wozar: "well i can scratch shit... and i like to suck on random objects  
which is kinda taboo since i'm a guy. they teasingly call me the titty  
kitty cause i was takin from my mother early.. the other meowths are so  
cruel. other then that i sleep and eat."  
  
Kuroko: "wow, you're absolutly useless. what kinda enemies you got?"  
  
Wozar: "well there was this one drug dealing pikachu named clide where i  
lived. one day i went up to him and said, 'clide, what kinda life are you  
leading? the other pokemon don't like you and you can't be used to fight  
cause your always high. don't you want to be used like all the other  
pokemon so you can fight other pokemon in order to prove your owners  
coming of age?' and he said, 'Pika?'"  
  
Kuroko: "so in your world they force you to fight each other? like in  
cock fights? what a sad world where the animals are forced to attack  
each other."  
  
Wozar: "that's why i came here to fight crime! i can make a difference.  
i'm not just some animal that can be used to fight and test childrens  
training abilities... why you'd think i was just the creation of some guy  
working at a video game company."  
  
Kuroko: "what's wrong with a world where animals are mistreated and  
thrown at each other in tiny balls. where an animal isn't safe in the  
woods it could just be captured and used. WHAT IS WRONG WITH A WORLD  
THAT ALL NURSES AND POLICE WOMEN LOOK ALIKE! FLAVOR IS THE SPICE OF  
LIFE!!!!!" (wozar starts licking his own crotch) "I mean that's the  
equivalent of slavery at most and a fantasy of a twin filled orgy at  
best. what good could come of a society like that.... why are you licking  
yourself? it's throwing me off my rant."  
  
Wozar: (stops) "what were you saying about stuff i hadn't even told you?  
you'll have to forgive me if you could lick yourself you'd never stop.  
go on about the orgy of twins."  
  
Kuroko: (recalls his place with a smaile and begins anew) "why a place like  
that the only hentai that could come of that would be kitty porn! which  
would be sick but beautiful at the same time!"  
  
Wozar: (nodding) "meeeeeeeoooooooooowwwwwwth"  
  
Kuroko: "I can't do this i can't continue this conversation. you remind me  
of someone else... someone from my past."  
  
Wozar: (finishs licking himself and stands up) "well i thank you for the  
pizza and as i have no money to pay you back i offer you this" (wozar  
hands kuroko a nintendo gameboy and walks off throught the door and into  
the sunset. kuroko looks at the gameboy. it flips on)  
  
gilbert: (whiney voice) "My name is GILBERT. I'm kuroko's goddamn pokedex  
and i was programmed by that nasty motherfucker professor rickles! so get  
a damn clue dammit and leave me alone i'm working off a hangover!" (it  
whirs off)  
  
Kuroko: (dumbstruck) "cool!"  
  
to be continued  
  
scene: jessy from pokemon looking like shes trapped and freaking out while  
a shadow looms over her with a big bald head  
  
Kuroko: "more pokemon shit as kuroko takes on team rocket with the help of  
his pokemon wozar and his pokedex gilbert. in the end he earns the tenticle  
badge, and goes on to join the pokemon tournament with a pokemon thats  
fixated on licking itself and becoming a superhero"  
  
(end tape 7) urotsukidoji V-lite paid for by....  
  
  



End file.
